Friday, July 13, 2012

Bird - Friday Fictioneer

It's time for Friday Fictioneer. A 100 words or less with photos supplied every week by Madison Woods. Thank you Madison! If you would like to participate, join us here. http://madison-woods.com
This story was a struggle this week - I would appreciate any comments and constructive critiques. Thank you!

Kaitlinn watched as a dark shadow flew against the pale morning sky, 
then hovered magically on thin fluttering wings before settling on the nearest tree.  

She remembered seeing pictures of it 
in school, told about it, but thought that they were a figment of their imagination. 

Yet here it was, sitting in a tree.

 A hush grew over the crowd that had gathered around her, staring at the same curiosity.
“What is it?” someone had whispered, both in horror and awe.
Kaitlinn shivered in its wake. “I think it’s called a ‘bird’,” she replied.
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17 comments:

  1. UnknownJuly 13, 2012 at 11:55 AM

    Their reaction implies birds are either extinct or rare. Is this on of those post-apocalyptic settings where humanity has almost destroyed nature and is paying for it?
    Or is the story set in another world?

    Good take on the prompt.

    http://logo-ligi.com/2012/07/12/soliloquy-of-a-disgruntled-raven/

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    1. MahjiraJuly 13, 2012 at 1:03 PM

      Not exactly another world, but possibly extinction. Much like if a pterodactyl came flying out of the sky right now, landing in front of me. I'm told that they are extinct, but are they really? Hmmmmmmm ;)

      Thank you for your reply!

      Delete
  2. Jess SchiraJuly 13, 2012 at 12:28 PM

    Wow, interesting twist! I agree with logo-ligi, you're story does feel very post-apocalyptic. I enjoyed the steady way the tension increased with each line.
    http://whimsicalquestsofacuriousmind.blogspot.com/2012/07/friday-fictioneers-7-13-12.html

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    1. MahjiraJuly 13, 2012 at 2:43 PM

      Thank you! I struggled with the tension, glad it turned out alright. :)

      Delete
  3. AnonymousJuly 13, 2012 at 12:47 PM

    Really great idea - birds are extinct. I wonder if this line: 'staring at the same curiosity' should be 'staring with the same curiosity'?

    http://worksbyclaire.wordpress.com/2012/07/13/100-word-story-the-crow/

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    1. MahjiraJuly 13, 2012 at 2:45 PM

      Thank you! I meant that the bird was the 'curiosity', not
      staring at it with curiosity" - of course, they could be doing both. ;)

      Coming to yours next.

      Delete
    2. AnonymousJuly 14, 2012 at 6:11 AM

      Ah yes. That does make sense. Still think you had the best idea for any that I've read so far.

      Delete
  4. BethJuly 13, 2012 at 1:50 PM

    Interesting take. Well done! I like the intimation that birds are extinct.

    Mine is a humorous take inspired by Poe. http://banterwithbeth.blogspot.com/

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  5. AnonymousJuly 13, 2012 at 2:24 PM

    That was oddly sweet in its sadness. The opening so beautiful and the last line hit like an arrow.

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  6. janetJuly 13, 2012 at 4:33 PM

    I like the idea of a world where things we take for granted aren't taken for granted, familiar or even liked. Unusual take, which is always nice.

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  7. AnonymousJuly 13, 2012 at 9:20 PM

    Interesting wonderment created...birds are novel...you leave the reader wanting more

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  8. AnonymousJuly 14, 2012 at 4:50 AM

    Excellent twist, out of nowhere, superbly rendered.
    http://wp.me/s1nUrn-buzzard

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  9. RussellJuly 14, 2012 at 10:42 AM

    I think you did an excellent job capturing the wonderment of seeing something for the first time that the MC had only heard existed. Like a city kid's first seeing farm animals up-close and personal. There's a certain awe in that 'Eureka' moment. You nailed it!

    http://russellgayer.blogspot.com

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  10. billgncsJuly 14, 2012 at 7:44 PM

    nicely done -- I enjoyed the twist at the end

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  11. Sandra CrookJuly 15, 2012 at 12:57 AM

    Good one - a different take on the prompt, well executed.

    http://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/07/13/every-cloud-friday-fictioneers-july-2012/

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  12. ElaineJuly 15, 2012 at 5:34 AM

    An interesting tale and very well told. I think you caught the suspicion and wonder perfectly.

    Here's mine
    http://tollykitsjourney.wordpress.com/2012/07/13/i-should-leave-fridayfictioneers-poem/

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  13. mysocalledDutchlifeJuly 16, 2012 at 4:04 PM

    I'd love to know what happened to the birds and the insects (what's been eating them or did they disappear too?). Really well done.

    https://mysocalleddutchlife.wordpress.com/2012/07/13/canyon-ff-friday-the-13th-of-july-12/

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