Friday, July 13, 2012

Bird - Friday Fictioneer

It's time for Friday Fictioneer. A 100 words or less with photos supplied every week by Madison Woods. Thank you Madison! If you would like to participate, join us here. http://madison-woods.com
This story was a struggle this week - I would appreciate any comments and constructive critiques. Thank you!

Kaitlinn watched as a dark shadow flew against the pale morning sky, 
then hovered magically on thin fluttering wings before settling on the nearest tree.  

She remembered seeing pictures of it 
in school, told about it, but thought that they were a figment of their imagination. 

Yet here it was, sitting in a tree.

 A hush grew over the crowd that had gathered around her, staring at the same curiosity.
“What is it?” someone had whispered, both in horror and awe.
Kaitlinn shivered in its wake. “I think it’s called a ‘bird’,” she replied.

17 comments:

  1. Their reaction implies birds are either extinct or rare. Is this on of those post-apocalyptic settings where humanity has almost destroyed nature and is paying for it?
    Or is the story set in another world?

    Good take on the prompt.

    http://logo-ligi.com/2012/07/12/soliloquy-of-a-disgruntled-raven/

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    1. Not exactly another world, but possibly extinction. Much like if a pterodactyl came flying out of the sky right now, landing in front of me. I'm told that they are extinct, but are they really? Hmmmmmmm ;)

      Thank you for your reply!

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  2. Wow, interesting twist! I agree with logo-ligi, you're story does feel very post-apocalyptic. I enjoyed the steady way the tension increased with each line.
    http://whimsicalquestsofacuriousmind.blogspot.com/2012/07/friday-fictioneers-7-13-12.html

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    1. Thank you! I struggled with the tension, glad it turned out alright. :)

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  3. Really great idea - birds are extinct. I wonder if this line: 'staring at the same curiosity' should be 'staring with the same curiosity'?

    http://worksbyclaire.wordpress.com/2012/07/13/100-word-story-the-crow/

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    1. Thank you! I meant that the bird was the 'curiosity', not
      staring at it with curiosity" - of course, they could be doing both. ;)

      Coming to yours next.

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    2. Ah yes. That does make sense. Still think you had the best idea for any that I've read so far.

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  4. Interesting take. Well done! I like the intimation that birds are extinct.

    Mine is a humorous take inspired by Poe. http://banterwithbeth.blogspot.com/

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  5. That was oddly sweet in its sadness. The opening so beautiful and the last line hit like an arrow.

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  6. I like the idea of a world where things we take for granted aren't taken for granted, familiar or even liked. Unusual take, which is always nice.

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  7. Interesting wonderment created...birds are novel...you leave the reader wanting more

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  8. Excellent twist, out of nowhere, superbly rendered.
    http://wp.me/s1nUrn-buzzard

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  9. I think you did an excellent job capturing the wonderment of seeing something for the first time that the MC had only heard existed. Like a city kid's first seeing farm animals up-close and personal. There's a certain awe in that 'Eureka' moment. You nailed it!

    http://russellgayer.blogspot.com

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  10. nicely done -- I enjoyed the twist at the end

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  11. Good one - a different take on the prompt, well executed.

    http://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/07/13/every-cloud-friday-fictioneers-july-2012/

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  12. An interesting tale and very well told. I think you caught the suspicion and wonder perfectly.

    Here's mine
    http://tollykitsjourney.wordpress.com/2012/07/13/i-should-leave-fridayfictioneers-poem/

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  13. I'd love to know what happened to the birds and the insects (what's been eating them or did they disappear too?). Really well done.

    https://mysocalleddutchlife.wordpress.com/2012/07/13/canyon-ff-friday-the-13th-of-july-12/

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