Thursday, July 26, 2012

Thirst

Friday Fictioneer time. A 100-words or less flash fiction with photos supplied every week by Madison Woods.
If you would like to participate, join us here. http://madison-woods.com 
I would appreciate any comments or helpful critiques. Thank you for visiting my blog!

Thirst

“I tell you it’s dry. Bone dry.”

I turn the spigot anyway and it hissed and sputtered at me.

“Told you.”

My tongue felt swollen, my lips cracked and bled.

“Aren’t you thirsty?” I asked, joining him on the steps. I looked out over the yard, or what was left of it. Dry and brittle grass burned yellow, the ground held deep fissures. Even the earth was thirsty.

“Yep, but I try not think about it.”

It was all I could think about.  I was surprised that I was still alive, and I regretted it at the same time.  We sat unmoving, staring at the baked yard and blazing sun. Thirst.

14 comments:

  1. I think that being thirsty would be all-consuming and you described that well!

    Just a small grammar thing (since you asked for critiques): everything you have is in the past tense except for "Even the earth is thirsty." Using "was" instead of "is" would make it consistent with the rest of your story.

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    1. Thank you Janet! I do appreciate the catch and critique. It has been changed. :)

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  2. Now all I can think about is a glass of water. Good descriptions.
    www.rochelle-wisoff.blogspot.com/2012/07/snarl.html

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  3. A fine powerful take on the prompt. http://readinpleasure.wordpress.com/2012/07/27/fridayfictioneers-aqua-madness/

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  4. oh my, it would have been so frustrating and consuming to be so thirsty...I mean what else could you think about? Nice take on the prompt!

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  5. I think an awful lot of water will be drunk today. Thirst, very well conveyed.
    http://castelsarrasin.wordpress.com/2012/07/27/sweet-water-friday-fictioneers-july-2012/

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    1. I was actually thirsty when I wrote it. I wanted to try to convey what 'thirst' felt like. ;)

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  6. A well written story.
    As I read your descriptions my lips were parched and I needed a drink.
    Hard to imagine a situation without water - shows how lucky we are.
    I enjoyed it - thanks.

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  7. the idea of running out of water seems to be popular this week. Nice little scene

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  8. Great story. Parched apocalypse viewed from a yard. Really hits home.

    http://ebooksscifi.wordpress.com/2012/07/27/kingdom-come-by-ilyan-kei-lavanway-for-madison-woods-friday-fictioneers-100-word-flash-fiction/

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  9. Good one, Mahjira. The ground has been cracking open in our area and affecting home foundations. As dry as it's been, we can all relate to your story. Thanks for visiting & commenting on mine.

    http://russellgayer.blogspot.com/

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  10. I think I'll go have a drink. Nice story!

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  11. I loved "brittle grass burned yellow" and "Even the earth was thirsty."

    Another past tense snafu—"turn" should be "turned" (or you can go with "hisses" and "sputters" etc."). You may also want to change "my lips cracked and bled" to "my lips were cracked and bleeding" (it depends on what moment in time the lips actually cracked—if it's this exact moment, then the original is fine (it just seemed odd that the lips would choose that particular moment in time to crack)).

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